Sunday, September 13, 2020

Trinity Teen Solutions survivors testimony

This testimony was found on Yelp. All rights goes to the author.
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I was sent to Trinity in October of 2011 and graduated the program in July of 2013. My struggles were with anxiety and depression primarily, as well as some behavioral issues. I won't downplay that I was having some very serious problems, but Trinity was NOT the solution. Trinity is a catholic based treatment center that uses a mixture of strict discipline and once a week therapy. Some of the "discipline" includes humiliating and degrading "challenges." For example, The Chair. The Chair is simple, you sit on a chair in the corner facing a wall for a minimum of two weeks without speaking to anyone, participating in any activities, or having any form of entertainment other than 3 hours of online classes a day. If you broke any of the chair rules, the punishment would be to eat a bowl of kidney beans and olives instead of a regular meal.

I got very behind in my school work at Trinity Teen Solutions, as did many of the other girls. Which is ironic, because we did school work 12 months out of the year, six days a week. We participated in online school, which served as a very poor education for two years. I had no physical teacher for TWO YEARS. When I finished my time at TTS, I struggled immensely during my last year of high school due to the poor education I received.

I could go on and on about the various things that I experienced at Trinity, but suffice it to say that I'm 23 years old and I still struggle with the memories that I have of this place, and I feel that if I spend too long ruminating over it, I'll end up in a very dark place. I have been diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, which was something that I never struggled with before TTS. While I do understand that one needs a predisposition to exhibit this behavior, the expectation of perfection that was perpetuated at Trinity is what caused these symptoms to develop in me. I had to mentally ritualize in order to feel safe. In one particular instance while I was being assessed for their bi-weekly "Holy Cowgirl" assessments, I was so overcome with anxiety that I ended up vomiting.

Being there for so long, I obviously had a mixture of positive and negative experiences. In a way, I was forced to develop a positive attitude, because fighting the system would have gotten me no where. I feel that this review would be dishonest if I didn't at least mention some of the things that made my Wyoming experience more tolerable.
  1. My therapist J.D. Although JD no longer works for TTS
  2. The Animals
  3. It is pretty there
  4. We weren't allowed to be friends with the other patients while we were there, but afterwards I talked to these people over social media and have made some really great friendships
I felt that I did what I had to in order to survive this place. I became a different person while I was there, but not in a way that I liked. I hated the person that Trinity turned me into. And when I look back on my teenage self, I try to have some compassion for that girl, because I was doing the best that I could at that time. I needed to please the powers that be, we were constantly reminded that if we didn't behave and change, that we would be held there indefinitely. Before Trinity, I was very passionate about art and drawing, but that was stomped out of me. I was only allowed to draw on some Sundays, and given punishment if I was caught doodling during the week. None of our notebooks were private, so if I did doodle, I would inevitably be caught. So I had to stop. I only draw rarely these days out of some subconscious fear of wrongdoing or punishment. It just doesn't feel safe to me (OCD).

I supposed that I should mention the outcome. Trinity is a very controlled environment, you are not in any way exposed to the real world. We aren't even allowed to talk about our lives pre-TTS, not even in a therapy group. After Trinity, my relationship with my family was more broken than it was before. I had only seen my parents four times in my two years there. My former friends had moved on with their lives, and I've had a great deal of trouble establishing meaningful relationships with anyone. I was told to lie to people at school about where I was. So, within weeks, I had turned to alcohol. I've been struggling with alcoholism for the last five years. Again, I don't entirely blame Trinity for this, but they claim a high success rate, which is simply not true. I'm not sure how they are measuring their idea of a success rate, to be quite honest. I'm doing better now, I sought treatment as an adult at facilities that had a proper understanding of my mental illnesses and addictions, and were able to effectively treat these things. I am doing better now, it is in spite of Trinity Teen Solutions, not because of it.

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