Testimony from former student at Chrysalis Boarding School

This testimony was found on another blog. All rights goes to the original owner.

"There are so many things I have conflicting feelings concerning

I came to Chrysalis the very last day of August, 200X. I had just completed a very grueling wilderness program (I mean grueling! So much so that it was recently closed down and is still involved in a class action suit) and had never before been west of the Mississippi. My dad and I pulled up to the main house, and were first greeted by Kenny (owner)...who showed my dad and I around. He was so nice and seemed much like my dad. I immediately felt safe. I realize later that this is more for show when the parents are present.

I was then separated from my dad and my personal belongings were searched. I was very vaguely walked through some of the basic rules - there are SO many rules that its impossible to keep track. Most people would think that perhaps a rulebook would be appropriate when they're are several dozen rules to follow, but at Chrysalis, you are on your own. I was "called out" on these in the most humiliating fashion a few days later.

I told my dad goodbye. I did so in a very casual fashion, as if I would be speaking to him very soon again. Little did I know that my conversation with my parents would go from daily (the way it had been for the past 17 years of my life) to 45 minutes, once per week. Oh, and that every word was monitored by my therapist.

It was very difficult to become adjusted to, but I began to blend in with Chrysalis life. It was so difficult to learn every name! I actually began to enjoy my new environment.
I met with my first therapist (who was very cold and harsh) - not a pleasant experience, and started school.

In Chrysalis there are three "levels" that you work through in order to graduate from the 18-24 month (typically) program. Girls may be on a particular level anywhere from 6 months to a year. With each level comes different privileges, and responsibilities. At level one, I was restricted to going to school on the Chrysalis property (home schooling), while some girls on level two, and three were permitted to attend LCHS.

There were always four therapists at Chrysalis, each girl had one of the four. Every girl that each therapist had (usually about 8-10 girls) was considered a group that met twice a week for "circle" - our group therapy sessions. In addition to our group circles, we had a "house" circle (all girls in a particular house - there were 2 main residences) or a "big" circle (every girl) that the owners (Kenny and his wife Mary) would be present in.

In the circle we would talk about "business" (ex: I would raise my hand, and once called on would mention that who ever's weekly chore was cleaning the classroom bath, that they needed to step up on replacing the toiletries), and then would talk about deeper stuff....which would always be about how some girls were doing. Very rarely were some girls praised...typically circle was for holding girls accountable for whatever they were doing wrong.

My first circle was absolute hell. I remember several therapists "calling me out" for my behavior (which I didn't know I was exhibiting) and little rules I had been breaking all week. The girls, there were around 20+ that night, all staring at me at once, took turns telling me what I was doing wrong all week. I will never forget what some of the girls said to me. I felt humiliated, and cried.

I was put on gag order from one of my roommates, called "ten feet"...in which we couldn't communicate whatsoever indefinitely. From that moment on, until nearly a year later, when I decided to run away....my every waking moment was spent walking on eggshells.

Your behavior is modified in such a way that rather than looking for something admirable in your fellow Chrysalis girls, you would begin to look for every flaw in character or behavior, and rather than having direct communication in private about this, you were encouraged to bring these things up in circle...so that the person in question would be subjected to humiliation, and feelings of shame as they are publicly embarrassed, in front of other student and staff.

We were made to write in journals, at least one page everyday - and it was checked everyday. Each week you are required to give your journal to your therapist, who reads them, and writes in them...with red corrective ink (not kidding).

I still have all of my journals...and I've read them since I've been out. Everything I wrote was very fake, and not how I genuinely felt. I couldn't use my journal as an outlet because of the monitoring. Every element of our lives was monitored....either by staff of every girl.

Back to the rules...when you break a rule, such as forgetting to perform your chore for the day, or not making your bed up to par, you were given a consequence. At the end of the week, you are required to perform duties for your consequences. My favorite was scraping out the cracks in the wood floor with toothpicks.

I was sent to Chrysalis for behavioral problems and substance abuse. Due to the severity of my addiction, it was essential for me to attend AA meetings every week. Each Friday night we were allowed to go into town and attend these meetings if we needed it. My therapist thought so, and I certainly never debated it - I traveled a very hard road before I arrived at Chrysalis, by the time I arrived I had finally realized that I had a major problem.

BUT, if myself, or another girl with substance abuse history had consequences at the end of the week, we were made to stay home and perform our consequences rather than attending a meeting.

I'm all for missing out on watching a movie, or having my down time in order to perform a consequence....but missing an AA meeting when you're an addict can be a very big problem.

We were nearly all medicated and it was highly encouraged. I began taking a medication for my depression and anxiety disorder.

So for the next several months I was the epitome of a perfect Chrysalis girl. I had straight A's in school, did my chores very well, was very forthcoming in my therapy, any making a lot of progress. I graduated to level two, and was allowed more privileged. At levels two and three we are allowed "visits" to go home and see our families. The higher our level the more time we are allowed to go home, and more often.

However, the first time I saw my parents after entering Chrysalis, was just a few months into the program. I was still a level one...so my parents came to see me during Thanksgiving.

They stayed in Eureka but I was not allowed to stay with them overnight, and was only allowed to spend time with them for a certain amount of time each day. Even during Christmas some girls were not allowed to leave the school and were not able to see their families.

I recall one of the girls being "pulled out" (though she was really forced to leave by the owners) of the program because her mother wanted to see her more often than the owners would allow.

At level two we were allowed to communicate with certain extended family members and friends, as long as they were "approved". To be approved meant that they had to lead healthy, drug free lives. I only had two friends that were deemed to be approved, and would write to them via snail mail.

I flew to my grandparent's house and spent Christmas with my family members. I had just become a level two (at record time) and was expected to follow every little rule while off campus (couldn't wear eyeliner or listen to unapproved music or watch unapproved television - anything with curse words, drug references, etc.). Once I returned to Chrysalis after my visit, I began to change.

I missed my family more and more everyday...and the real world was something that had become some distant and unreal to me that I longed for it so much. I still progressed very quickly and well in the program, but had increasing feelings of depression, and wanting to run away.

Running away was something that rarely happened at Chrysalis, mainly because there wasn't anywhere to run, but that didn't stop some girls. The first girl who ran away while I was there was a level one - who hadn't been there but about two months. It was just after Christmas, and the temperature was subzero, with several inches of snow on the ground. This girl, whom we'll call Betsy, decided it was dire enough to leave in just a light jacket, jeans, and her Ugg boots in the middle of the night while everyone was asleep.

You probably know that there isn't much of anything in the several miles between the school and the town, and what Betsy did could have bee fatal. But a stranger picked her up and she somehow was obtained by her family several days later. They never told us any details about it - they probably didn't want us to get any ideas.

When a girl would run the therapists and owners would announce it in an emergency circle, and would then describe the girl as having betrayed us...that what she did was an "F*** you" to all of us...and we then began to hate her for it...though I remember being secretly jealous of her for her new found freedom.

I became a very highly respected girl and that means that Mary and Kenny would like you more. Without our parents, we all seemed to be desperately trying to be in their good graces, and fighting for their attention...as if we needed to feel like beloved daughters...a feeling we couldn't have first hand with our own parents while at Chrysalis.

All the girls were pushed to have a deeper spirituality. Many of us came from different religious backgrounds...Buddhist, Jewish, Christian, etc. I was raised Catholic. However we weren't allowed to attend worship services that were available in Eureka that we may choose. Instead of going to a Catholic church (which I would had have preferred), we had to go to the Episcopalian church - and EVERY girl had to go...even if you were sick.

SO to fast forward to how I fell from grace at Chrysalis...it happened in June of 2006. I had started to become extremely honest with my therapist (which by the way, was my third therapist in a matter of months....for some strange reason the staff had a very high turn over rate...hmmmm.....) about my feelings of wanting to leave...or run away. She didn't really pay that much attention to it though oddly enough, because running away was the biggest mistake you could possibly make.

I would break down into tears at random and wouldn't calm down until I spoke to her about it. It was very overwhelming, but it became a little better over the next few months leading up to my departure. I honestly wanted to graduate from the program...I didn't want to mess up. I was desperate for the feeling to ease up.

I had a scheduled visit with my parents (my very first home visit) in May and was SO very excited. It was everything I could have hoped for. As my father dropped me off at the airport, we held each other and cried. I had an overwhelming feeling of dread. As I walked to my gate I waited for our boarding call, and once it came...I decided to run. My bags made it back to Chrysalis, but I never did. I called a friend to come pick me up and I never boarded the flight. I disappeared for several days, and resurfaced to frantic family members and a VERY pissed off Mary and Kenny.

***By the way, I turned 18 ... while at Chrysalis and Mary and Kenny and the school staff forced my parents into making me sign some sort of legal document that essentially said that I was unfit to care for myself and extend my parent's guardianship until I was 19 years old - I found out later that it would never hold up in court and that the document was essentially null and void***

My personal items were never returned and they initially refuse to give my parents their money back for the tuition they payed in advance for time I was no longer there (legal action compelled them to pay up, however). My parents were initially infuriated with me, but after they too were subjected to Mary and Kenny's wrath, they began to realize that what they had so wanted for me had never been real.

I was set to go to the University of Montana that fall, I'd been accepted before I ran, and wanted to finish my high School career in Montana. In order to have the six month requirement, I would have to finish at LCHS. My parents agreed that it was best. We developed a plan by renting a place for me to live by myself in Eureka, a new car, and everything I needed.

Mary and Kenny however were furious and threatened me not to come back to the town. I still loved them, and held out hope that they still loved me. So I did something that no girl in the school's history had ever done....I asked to come back to let the girls talk to me, and me to them.

I wanted them to have the closure they needed, and I didn't want them to hate me or feel uncomfortable when they saw me around town - I wanted them to know I was still the same girl they knew...I was asking them for something I used to dread...I wanted one final circle, and it was going to be all about me.

As I walked up to the main house for the first time in months, I was different in appearance...I had dropped weight (you were scrutinized for wanting to have control over your body by taking smaller portions..you had to eat a certain amount, nothing less - I know, I was called out for it several times) and had a tan.

Yet, I still wore light makeup and appropriate clothing, as if I were still a student. I was greeted (rather, my father was greeted modestly and me not at all) by Mary and Kenny and escorted into an empty room. Moments later the girls filed in, with not one smile. They had stone faces. I began by breaking into tears and telling them the truth...that what I did was impulsive, not planned...that I never meant to hurt them. I could tell that they had already been prepped for this moment. They spoke to me like I was a different person, an evil person. My best friends were ripping me a new one. After an hour of this, I wanted so badly to hug them...but they were excused and filed out. Not one hugged me, told me that they forgave me....nothing.

Mary and Kenny never once acknowledged my existence, never made eye contact....not once. I cried myself to sleep that night.

I finished out high school a LCHS and moved on the college. I'm 21 now, and though I've reconnected with my Chrysalis friends, it took them leaving/graduating for them to be able to freely talk to me and be real about their feelings. AT my final circle they hadn't been allowed to.

Over the past few years I've learned later that while I was there, (I learned this first hand from the girls themselves) there had been sexual relationships between some of the girls (secretly), drugs snuck into the school and used on campus, inappropriate relationships between councilors and students, etc.

What they're trying to accomplish at that school is very admirable and good, but how they're going about it is detrimental and abusive. It needs to change.

I feel certain that there are several former students whom attended with me, would be willing to speak to you about their experiences - as well as former staff members.

Things that have occurred at the school have festered and angered me over the last few years of my life.

The mission and intentions of Chrysalis are very honorable, and good for young women.

I think they've strayed from their morality and ethics as therapeutic professionals. Things need to change. But know that in many ways they did help me, teach me, and opened my eyes.

They saved my life. I was slowly killing myself with high risk behaviors, and though their methods may not be what is best, they want to help girls like me. They did help me. I think we owe it to struggling young girls who will have Chrysalis in their future, that they will get more out of it than I did, because it could have been better. We could help their success rate. Sadly, many of the girls (even graduates) have reverted back to their old behavior.

I'm part of a very small percentage who actually "get it", and have excelled. I still use some of what Chrysalis has taught me in my daily behavior - especially in my spirituality and how I've learned to treat people and treat myself. That started with that program.

Chrysalis has the potential to be incredible, with a near perfect success rate.


Sources:

• The original testimony
• The school on the 1000 places You don't want to be as a teenager blog
• Factsheet about the program (Fornits Wiki)

Former student about Chrysalis boarding school

I am a former student of chrysalis, and I have to point out the unprofessional review from Kenny Pannel's sister, Vicki. Talking about being professional? You should try it. Chrysalis is not a licensed program, and I would not recommend this school to anyone for legitimate reasons:

I was sexually abused three months prior to my arrival at Chrysalis, in the beginning they allowed me to walk during morning work out. Obviously if you are walking the same distance other girls are running it is going to take 2-3 times longer (maybe even more with an injury such as mine) regardless, when the other girls finished their run he piled them up in the van, and drove to us, not to pick us up, but to tell us we would have to walk home from the ending point. This was my FIRST MORNING at Chrysalis, and I was already terrified. Kenny treats his poor AMAZING wife better than his dogs. It was so frustrating to watch especially since my reason for attending Chrysalis was for dysfunctional relationships. It obvious what Kenny is in it for, money. They have a private jet, many different homes, and have a bunch of different cars (that are unnecessary to have such as a camero)

Its so disappointing and frustrating to know they are spending the money they are getting paid FROM OUR PARENTS on useless "toys" for themselves rather than paying their staff a decent amount.

The therapists there are basically Kenny and Mary's minions, and when I realized this program was really terrible I requested to be moved to a program that would focus more on my immediate needs (such as my severe PTSD problems I was dealing with)
Before I ran from the program I was doing extremely destructive things to myself (purging, harming myself) and they were oblivious to it all. Once I got home I had no urge to cause harm upon my body what so ever. I believe it was because I felt so controlled there by people that were not in it for the right reasons. I wasnt even allowed to talk to my father about how I felt like I needed to be in a more intensive care unit. Also it is required to attend an episcapalian church every sunday unless you are jewish, which I did NOT agree with since I am a firm atheist.

Also for the first 2 weeks I was there, I was not assigned a therapist because a new one was going to be hired and come. I needed serious help/guidance with the PTSD symptoms I was going through and I didn't have that opportunity for 2 weeks.

Circle is another topic I would like to cover. Basically circle is a time for girls and Mary and Kenny to emotionally/verbally abuse other girls. I remember being pin pointed several times in circle being attacked by just about everyone for over 45 minutes. That is just not right, feedback is meant to be positive construction, not abuse. It tore my character down to nothing. I have never felt so unloved, neglected, unwanted, hurt, and especially lonely. It was nothing but one awful experience after the next.

Mary and Kenny also are BIG with picking favorites, if they don't like you, well then you can just forget about it. They never seemed to find time to get to know any of the girls they didn't like immediately, instead focus and give special treatment to the girls they do.

My injury with my hip is now pretty much permanent because of the forced running they made me do (regardless of the chronic sharp pain in my hip)
It has been over a year now since I've left and my PTSD has vanished, I needed my REAL loving parents.

Please parents, listen to what your daughter has to say, regardless of their past doings. They may have cried wolf too many times before, but this cry is serious

Sources:

• The original testimony
• The school on the 1000 places You don't want to be as a teenager blog
• Factsheet about the program (Fornits Wiki)

Anonymous at Second Nature Wilderness and Chrysalis Boarding School (from safeteenschools.org)

This testimony was given on the webpage Safe Teen School by a student whos name is withheld. All rights goes to the original author.

When I was thirteen, my mom sent me to Second Nature Entrada because I was struggling with the death of my dad and brother. I was grieving obviously and that was the issue but my mom went over the top and after kicking me out of my house, she sent me to wilderness March 11, 2011. I was not court ordered. I was escorted to Utah. I was there for three months until my mom came and took me to Chrysalis Boarding School.

The real story is of the boarding school.

I traveled with my mom to Montana. She got me from wilderness, we went to the base so I could shower, went to airport, flew, had dinner at next airport, flew, then arrived at 2 am and went and spent the next four hours in an inn. We got up at 6 because I had to be there by 7:30. It was the first week of June.

We arrived at Chrysalis and I was so scared. I was myself with everyone but it was awful. I was in Horse House, the house parents were the owners, Mary and Kenny. Kenny despised me. He had his favorite girls and he chooses new victims each year and I was one of those girls. I woke up everyday scared to death of what would happen. They didn't let you get enough sleep so I was always tired. I honestly felt like it was worse than wilderness. I saw my mom twice in the year I was there. When I did, I begged her to take me home. Kenny loved to go off on his victims in front of everyone.

Every Sunday night, we would have jumbo which was the whole campus and we would have a group therapy with everyone. This is when he loved to tell and exaggerate everyone's flaws or mistakes they made that week. It was bad because you could apologize for doing something wrong and he would still punish you. I hated Sundays, I spent everyday of the week dreading them. He would yell at you. Scream at you. Call you names. Bully you. Grab your arm with a lot of force. He made me hate my life and I honestly was trying to figure out how to escape.

While I was there, I saw eight girls who were doing so much better end up becoming so depressed because of him. Four girls had to be transported to higher level care facilities because he drove them insane. Honestly, I didn't like anything because it was hell. I got a contagious std from their facilities. A girl was paralyzed because she broke her leg. There were multiple times I was hurt and they didn't do anything about it. I also got a serious eye infection that they refused to take me to the doctor for until my eye was swollen shut. I was physically bullied by some of Kenny's favorite girls. Also, I had a roommate who was large and was on the top bunk. The bed was broken so when she slept on it, it collapsed on me.

My mom finally couldn't afford it anymore so she told them that she was pulling me. He was livid. When I found out I was so happy. I obviously told some girls and Kenny went off on me in front of everyone saying that I was not ready to go home and was so fucked up and he feels bad for my mom because she has to deal with me and that he wishes I go to hell and he even said that he doesn't feel bad that my dad and brother died. He told me that he would put me on verbal (where I couldn't talk at all) because I was leaving. He was so mean to me and other girls. I got home June 2nd 2012. When I got home, I was so happy. It was fine until a few months later when I had a panic attack because I had a flashback of when Kenny was abusing me. I still have nightmares now and then. I can't be around older men without feeling scared for my life. My mom and I have struggled but we are okay. I can't trust any male and am scarred from the maltreatment I received.


Sources:

• The original testimony (safeteenschools.org)
• Factsheet of the facility (Fornits Wiki)

Eureka Montana Chrysalis School.. Experience.

This testimony was found in another blog. All rights goes to the original author.

"People in the community not to mention CPS need to know what's going on at this place. please keep my name anonymous...If you go to a "NATSAP" website they make Chrysalis and these other unlicensed programs in MT out to be amazing...dream school's you'd want to send your "at risk" teen to to get them out of your hair..I was sent there for ditching class and normal marijuana experimentation..

I remember how humiliated I was when I first got there: There was a leak in the closet where the towels were kept and I was blamed for putting away wet towels repeatedly. I was only 14 and some of the "veteran girls" (or girls who Kenny Pannel had "special relationships" with were terrorizing me to the point of tears every night and day about this stupid issue...

Kenny told me that if I didn't stop "lying" and being lazy... putting these wet towels in the closet he was going to shove one in my mouth and after that make sure I was sent to a lock down type facility where I would "have to ask permission to breathe". I was very frightened. they finally figured out there was a leak but I never got an apology from anyone, the short-term lock down probably would have been better than the two and a half years of utter hell I went thru there. They (Kenny and Mary) are typical scam artists...

Many "therapists" there ARE unlicensed even though every girls parents still have to pay the 50+ grand it takes to stay there a year!...Kenny hires male staff members as positive male role models for the girls, however I can recall one of my best friends right before she got to leave Chrysalis recount how she had sex in a shed with another male staff who mysteriously quit shortly after.

Kenny too, had very physical relationships with some of his "favorite" girls...I would consider my father and I to have a close relationship but in no way do we embrace constantly or sit on each others laps. this was too way too weird and it was uncomfortable...HE IS A PERVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

They send the girls to Lincoln Co. High school and expect them not to talk to or associate with any of the "unapproved" kids who drink on the weekends like normal kids..which is pretty much the entire school!!! so most of the girls are outcasts.Many Many staff members flock in and out...they realize that they work like slaves and don't get any recognition or pay...

I saw about 15 staff come in and out in the 2 and a half years I was there. I have so much more! it's been about 5 years since I graduated the program and I still have a strong strong resentment against Chrysalis and other places who support institutionalized child abuse...as a mother myself now, I'm horrified that there are places like and WORSE than Chrysalis in MT and other states who do not regulate private alternative therapeutic programs.

I am a member of an association called CAFETY which calls these programs on their bullshit and brings to light these issues...If someone ever told my daughter they'd put a towel in her mouth and send her to a private juvenile prison facility no matter what she did wrong or touched her inappropriately I would let them have it...there needs to be advocates for these poor girls...they are not treated like Americans, much less human beings.

I know they feel totally powerless and CANT have voices or else they will get reprimanded and threatened badly...girls are supervised the first year on the phone with their parents! I mean COME ON! It is hysterical how even in this bad economy, the place is STILL open and M and K still are buying new vehicles,toys, properties all over the world (Chile, Mexico, Hawaii, just to name a few) etc., prospering over these naive, vulnerable parents and children and getting tax breaks for community service projects the girls do.

When will the conservative MT government step in and say enough is enough for these programs...do they bring in more money for the state? HELL NO...so what's the issue? Money. these places have so much money they can hire lobbyists and even bring in their own students to Helena to protest against regulation (which Mary and Kenny have done)...its a cycle! Any other questions you have for me I will be happy to answer. I'm glad I came across your blog. "

Sources:

• The original testimony
• The school on the 1000 places You don't want to be as a teenager blog
• Factsheet about the program (Fornits Wiki)